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When you gotta work on your triceps at 5 a.m. and then go to Starbucks at 6 a.m.
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When the Taco Bell food you ate kicks in...
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Everyday I understand the phrase " I'm getting too old for this sh*t " on an even deeper level
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Me when someone asks me how drunk I am...
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When you and your girlfriend only have one pair of jeans
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I dropped my phone and when I picked it up, it was barely holding itself together and my girlfriend straight up told me to pit it in rice.
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" Now don't everyone look at once, but there is a really cute lady checking us out. "
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When one of your friends says something so dumb, you just look at them and think, " where the hell did we find you? "
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When you go outside and it's sunny and you remember what warmth feels like
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Five minutes after I agree to let my kid wrap a birthday present, he's like
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When you have to check into the emergency room, because your shoes are sick!
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WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK AND BONDING WITH THE UBER DRIVER
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Vegas Mornings
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Me after 4 straight hours of investigating their social media
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So glad the weekend is here, so i can wash the dishes, mop the floors, clean the toilets, dust the furniture, and do the laundry!
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I just wanted my tips frosted. Not my hair dyed blonde.
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And now a sad song, for all my haters.
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This guy made my day. By playing Game of Thrones opening theme song.
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me checking my phone acting like i actually get texts
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Do you mind if i strap your phone to my forehead so i  can pretend you're looking at me when i talk?
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Cell Phones and Driving Funny and Seriously
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Me checking my texts after a night of heavy drinking...
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Just a man in a suit riding across a lake on a motorized surfboard while smoking a cigarette. 1948
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" Explain your life in one sentence " What have I done
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When your shadow refuses to participate in your lies.
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When you cut your hair and instantly regret it
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When yo auntie insist on having you show her the new dance moves but her bones ain't what they use to be
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The awkward moment when you find out your knees are pregnant
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