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Happy Thanksgiving
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Remember March  Is Buy Your Girlfriend A Goat Month
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Err.. that's not my tummy!
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When you're the favorite it clearly shows!
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And then he said *sniff* I'm fat *sniff*.. and then.. Never mind sweetie, you're not fat, just cute
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I built a battleship for my cats and today they finally started using it...
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My pregnant wife is practicing her swaddling. Skittles isn't a fan.
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How my Siberian Husky fell asleep the first day we got him home.
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I showed you my stick answer me
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INCORGNITO
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When you wake up from your cat-nap and you're not sure what day it is...
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When you've been a good boy and your Mom gets you a flannel...
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It's about time our cat started pulling his own weight around here...
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I think my dog has been watching me get out of bed to many times...
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" Listen Karen less crying about your ex and more getting day drunk "
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Still looks handsome in his sweater 3 years later
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When she already knows truck is gonna get more love
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When i'm asked to describe myself in 3 words... Sensitive... Mini... Adult
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" See, right here. I'm not making it up. It's till' death do you part. " *well, sh*t
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When your drunk friend starts heaving in the back seat of your new car...
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Try to find yourself a man who will lift your body horizontally into the sky like an offering to the gods while spinning around on blades.
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As much as I hate to admit it, I'd probably still look at my phone.
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If you go north far enough eventually you'll be going south but you can go east forever and you'll never start going west
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When you got a stubborn fart that just ain't finding it's way out...
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Me after my alarm has been going off for over five minutes...
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When I tell someone I didn't have a date on Valentine's
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Me before work vs. Me after work.
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Man's best friend. Just not yours.
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What? He said his ears were cold.
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Now you can say you've seen a baby crow...
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GRAB 'EM BY THE PUTHY
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SO THEN I ASKED HIM WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES?
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AT THE JOB INTERVIEW  10 MINUTES AFTER GETTING HOME
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So I looked at your Facebook page... oh man ... there's no way you're getting this job!
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Interviewer: So, why do you want this job? Well, I've always been really passionate about not starving to death
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THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU WALK OUT OF WORK
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Any ladders ? A chair ? Someones back ?
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washing the cups before the visitors arrive !
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When you ask your brother to comb your hair!
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Who wants dinner ?
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